Wow, has it really been over a week since I posted a food diary? Last week was a nightmare. It’s not that I ate poorly or cheated (well I kind of cheated), but I was in a lot of pain. I got off track with my methotrexate because I got sick. How bad could not taking my medication be? Turns out it was the difference between me being functional and nonfunctional. I can’t believe I used to live with that much pain, it frightened me. I was hoping that I would be better once I took my normal dosage again, but it turns out pain doesn’t work like that. It took me a little over two weeks to recover. In that time I got majorly food sick on two separate occasions with dairy and gluten. I also went through major depression, which is even more difficult to recover from. These are not excuses, this is my life. Do I think that this could happen again? Absolutely! Will I try my hardest to avoid it? You betcha.
Chronic pain is crippling, and I don’t mean in a limited motion sort of way, but a mental brick wall kind of way. Anyone who’s delt with the chronic monster knows that the mental fear and anxiety that arises from not knowing when, and even if, things will get better can cause more pain on your mental state then just about anything else. Normal pain you forget, but chronic pain forces you to re-evaluate your daily routines and shuffle your priorities. It’s like dealing with a tragic death of a loved one, only the loved one is a part of yourself. How do you live on half the energy stores you once had, and the constant mental poking of pain that invades most thoughts? I’m an extreme optimist and even I can’t fight off the depression that overwhelms me when I’m in pain.
I could quote the multiple medical studies that have found a correlation between chronic pain and inflamation, with depression, but I’ll let you do your own research. It seems like common sense that someone who’s in constant pain would suffer from depression. The good news is that a healthy brain will try to restore balance and adjust chemical signals to compensate. It doesn’t mean that the pain is any less, just that your brain is trying hard to ignore it. Luckily this is my category but I have many friends who experience crippling depression without the chronic pain and that sucks because you don’t even have a finger to point at the cause.
On another note, Yoga scares the hell out of me. It’s entire purpose is to become more in tune with your body. When your body is trying to kill itself and hide pain, the last thing I want to do is tune into that mess. Yoga has been recommended to me to help with joint stiffness, and one of these days I will face my fear and genuinely give it a try but I will stick to my walking for now.